“We think you’re shittier than Florida” is about the strongest burn I’ve ever heard of.

“All men are created equal under the Constitution of these United States, and yet some of them give me the heebie jeebies, Mary Todd!” - Abraham Lincoln, Republican President. LOOK IT UP.

I’m so sick and tired of you liberals endangering my children with allowing sexual deviants and predators into their bathrooms.

“To me, it was embarrassing to watch that these are our two candidates,” Kaepernick said Tuesday. “Both are proven liars and it almost seems like they’re trying to debate who’s less racist. And at this point, talking with one of my friends, it was, you have to pick the lesser of two evils, but in the end, it’s…

“My roommate started a fight with me over fruit-storage techniques.”

This is an impressive cast of maniacs. Did you go to school in Florida?

Are there any stats on how many of these murders happen because a meerkat wants to just relax a little with a beer after a hard day of working in the jungle and another meerkat won’t shut the fuck up about how badly the lawn needs mowing and it has to be done right away so it looks nice when that meerkat’s mother…

This isn’t a horror story, but it’s definitely a weird one: I walked into my freshman dorm room one day and found my roommate, Jen, in bed with her best friend Ann. Okay, whatever, it was a women’s college blah blah.

Translation: I don’t give a shit about this country so I will sit on my ass and stay home instead, but I will tell everybody I can’t vote for evil so I sound like a concerned citizen.

The woods that Trump will open up to deforestation and fracking?

Holy shit

This is the darkest timeline

Week 1: “Carson Wentz looked more polished than he was because of his opposition.”

Or the density of a pommel horse.

To use the n-word in condemning a black man for protesting racism and police brutality requires some Simone Biles level mental gymnastics.

Not many people know this but Milwaukee actually comes from an old Ojibwe word meaning “Yeah, but what about Black on Black crime?”

Diet_Cokeaholic lol what a globalist

Step 1: watch the NFL. There’s a game on tonight. Could be a fun one.

I think it’s known in Chicago that Derrick isn’t a very bright dude and that he doesn’t really speak for himself and lets his handlers do most of the talking. It’s also come out that he’s kind of a weird guy too. I can’t tell if he has no concept of what’s going on or if he’s really trying to hide what happened.