Ted Cruz combines the charisma of a mortician with the political savvy of the kid who wears a suit while running for high school class president.

Finally, the coveted lipless weirdo demographic.

You really want someone to explain the difference between calling mostly black protestors animals and not standing for a song?

+1 for stupidity

He’s not at all bothered by this. Now he can devote more time to his start up video game company.

You say suspended. I say early retirement.

Worst Bear Friday ever.

Career highlight from Baseball-Reference.com:

This gave me a reason to like Chip Kelly.

“Guys how do you make pate guys”

I don’t know, people keep telling me to find guys that are asleep?

I didn’t draft any of those players? Should I start my Half-elf warlock instead?

North Carolina’s government is fucking insane.

If you had to pick one random black dude, Captain Jack is a pretty good choice.

Trump should have some qualifications to run for office.

I don’t even know what a malignant neoplasm is, but I am now deathly afraid of them and will vote for whichever candidate vows to destroy them.

Cubs fans, blindly backing abhorrent losers since 1908.

No offense, Samer, but yours is not the voice we want to hear on this topic.

So Bradford’s Styrofoam knees are holding this team together? Just point and laugh at Magary now and save the time.

In a short tournament like this any goalie can get hot and lose to Canada in the final.