Donald invited her because just like him and Jackie Evancho, Rebecca came second in the popular vote.

Think for a second. Think about how egotistical you need to be to start the season as QB, have your shoulder explode around week 2, not come back until the end, see your team go 1-15 and think “heh, nailed it.”

One thing’s for sure, the Russian hacking story is a big mess that has thus far boiled down to either believing the CIA (which lies) or believing Trump (who lies).

Most egregious example of poor celebrity chef food handling yet:

1. Kerry should have made this speech 2 years ago

He hasn’t gotten to license his name to a hotel on the moon or mars yet. So to him, it hasn’t been appropriately explored yet.

What would be a satisfactory ending for everyone? Nothing to do with lumberjacks I hope.

Jeebus, when are these dumbass fuckers going to realize that freely available contraceptives is an amazing way to prevent abortions?

• “PER WIFE PATIENT SAT DOWN ON A SCREWDRIVER AND IT WENT UP HIS RECTUM”

As I’ve seen pointed out, it’s probably only Bruce Johnston and Mike Love that have been asked and are responding as “The Beach Boys”.

I hope the curtain goes up and they all just stand there motionless and glare.

if they want legs, can’t they just get these guys?

Performing songs from his latest joint.

This is me every day.

If only there were a famous DeMarcus Brothers who had a troublesome cousin.

All it needs is a Ghostbusters logo.

True story:

That’s the thing a lot of people don’t understand... it’s not a difference of political opinion anymore, it’s an issue of common human decency. And the republicans have shown that they have none - almost every hill they make a stand on is genuinely about keeping the downtrodden down under the boot of the…

John Mulaney was all over this last year, one of my favorite bits of his:

Yeah, he is.