“In the future, if you’re wondering, ‘Climate Change. Nobody really knows’ is when I decided to kick your ass.”

This is why I always keep a spare in the trunk.

Absolutely.

Is he actually writing for SNL now?

When the crowd wants you to go for it on 4th down, you better listen.

I hope she gets nothing. There’s nothing sillier than picking sides when millionaires fight billionaires. I’d be paying attention if she was trying to get raises for everyone.

Crickey, that’s a lot of shrimp on the barbie!

They really should have seen this coming.....

They should just have a big hammer off to the side.

“Lussy?”

And all in the first 8 seasons!

In a year and a half they can both be on my show.

“I like people who weren’t stabbed.”

I bet your kids are already regretting they ever voted for you.

I don’t see how this could possibly turn out poorly.

That’s only one more than I get.

Worst escape attempt ever.

I’ll worry when junkies start killing people with heroin in crowded movie theaters.

I once had to tell Michael Strahan to stop blocking a fire exit.

Isn’t that the show with Diana Ross’ daughter?