Very well put together and informative. Thanks!

I tried that once in a DeLorean, but you simply would not believe what happened when I hit 88mph..

Wait, since when did the Baroness do the whole “Superman underwear outside of tights” thing?

Dammit, Jayne!

this entire article went in a direction i completely did not expect. i thought we would be focusing on the fact that while plogging is a thoughtful idea with a positive result, the participant risks disease and injury if they are not focused on what they pick up.

WRONG. Helmet laws are not worth the paper they are written on.

I use three seashells.

What “debate”? It’s either over or you’re a psychopath.

Sometimes I’m sent to the store on a mission my wife doesn’t think I can complete without her help, but she must remain at base for some reason. In those situations I use FaceTime, which does not have a “hold to your ear” feature. My wife knows this embarrasses me, because I, like you, do not understand why anybody…

Kill faster? No, aside from suppressing fire the military doesn’t even fire full auto. There is a reason for this, you won’t hit anything.

Can I get a hate addendum for cell-phone-left-at-desk-with-ringer-on?

Do you normally steal dishes from IHOP?

Don’t pee in the toilet like a savage and use the urinal in the corner. Problem solved.

It seems like that trash basket is not bolted down. Perhaps you could move it out of the way and stand to the side?

It seems like that trash basket is not bolted down. Perhaps you could move it out of the way and stand to the side?

Easy fix. Look at the crap cans Tracy and Jason are driving around in. Safety, structural integrity - that’s fool’s talk.

Instead of a baby monitor, I tie a string to my kids’ legs and run it down the stairs where it’s attached to a bell. If the bell rings, I know that my kids are up. I can normally just yank really hard on the string and it “trips” them back down into the bed where they’ll fall back asleep. Sometimes they get tangled…

ADDENDUM: I should’ve probably mentioned that I was banned from the cosmetic procedure social network RealSelf while researching this article because apparently bugging CoolSculpting patients about whether they saw the fat in their poop violated the terms of service.