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Because my fat ass has been wedged in that tiny ass seat for hours and if I don’t stand up soon I am gonna be stuck permanently in that position.

It’s rare for people to experience Virgin a 2nd time.

Heathens eat at Churches...

Shit, I had to both write an essay on Fight Club’s lighting and what it meant to the story AND also present an art project that illustrated that point for an art class in college.

I thought this was going to be news about Papa John’s doing one of the following:

Word. I wouldn’t drive 10 feet for one of those horrible things.

Born and bred Southern Californian here and can confirm that I very much prefer cake donuts to yeast. Krispy Kreme donuts that they’re famous for don’t appeal to me at all. I grew up on Winchell’s and mostly go to mom and pop places now for cake goodness.

I’ll go to Krispy Kreme every once in a while and get one of…

‘Off Brand Doughnuts’ is the name of my Blues Traveller tribute band.

There is nothing Christian about the fire and brimstone of the American evangelical death cult. They need to terrify and indoctrinate children in order to keep their power and cash.

It’s almost as if we live in a society and our society has created laws to decide what is acceptable behavior for employers. For instance, employing 12 year olds to work in coal mines? Not acceptable. Employing adults to work in coal mines and not providing them with proper safety equipment or bathroom breaks? Not…

I hope he’s OK. Not the least because if he is, he’s now the mayor of Buffalo pursuant to their municipal code. 

My first thought was, “Sports Illustrated still exists?”

I shall invent a device that alerts Dolphins fans when they are being erroneously charged for purchases. It will emit a Dolphin-call shriek if a skimmer is used to rack up a fraudulent charge. I will call it “the Miami Sound Machine.”

Every customer service agent, waitperson, or anyone who has to ask “Can I get you anything else” has heard all your corny answers.

I’m not sure The Banana Splits are as obscure as you think they are, Alex. Not a Dickies fan?

*nerd glasses on*

I’ve done that river tuber thing and I can tell you with absolute certainty that girl was a student at Arizona State. 

Every time I’ve had them they have been like little hockey pucks. Chick-fil-a’s biscuits aren’t good by any stretch of the imagination but compared to Bojangles I find Popeye’s biscuits have a lot of room for improvement.

That being said Popeyes chicken is legitimately good and anyone should always go there rather than…