This looks like it’s just a straightforward golf comment, but I’m desperately trying to find some kind of innuendo or double entendre in here.

If you’re too hurt to play... the DL’s over there.

I’ll be honest, a friend of mine just posted pictures of his son (7 years old, same age as my boy) going to his first football practice, and I could think was... Really? I know everything’s got risk, my son could get hurt, could get concussed playing soccer or riding his bike, he’s certainly not living in a bubble. …

Couldn’t he just, like, stand back at the warning track, further away from the effects of the green kryptonite? I mean, if he’s throwing bullets out there, does it really matter if they’re coming at you from 400 feet or from 60 feet six inches?

Except the Browns. But that’s true politically as well.

About a year and a half ago. So I don’t know why I still read Deadspin articles on the NFL, other than to remind myself why I don’t miss watching football.

If you want season tickets, you’re obligated to pay for two preseason games as well, so that’s a good chunk of it.

The Celtics traded an excellent player who is being directly replaced by a superior player in Kyrie, who also happens to be locked up for at least one additional year. Jae Crowder is massively overrated; he’s a good 3-and-D guy for your bench, and his role is massively diminished by Gordon Hayward and probably by one…

The ONLY thing they need to do is square up the front end so it doesn’t just look like a CRV or a Pilot. I’m sure it’s probably slightly more aerodynamic the way that it is, but it’s SO ugly up front. It’ll still probably be my next vehicle just because it ticks off every single item that I really need in a…

... I think they’re actually saying he’s “scuffling.”

... does that mean that the Golden State Warriors are the best football team in the country?

Seems like about twenty thousand more words than needed to tell a fairly straightforward story about two poorly-supervised kids at a newspaper.

I’m 6'2" and can touch the rim but not quite dunk. If I had another three inches... I’d have a happier wife.

By what measure does that work at all?

By what measure does that work at all?

Does anybody actually know what a balk is? Fans, players, umpires? I thought I knew once, but then I watched a relief pitcher hop-skip his way halfway to home plate before throwing the ball, so who the fuck knows?

I think you’re forgetting dividends. $35k invested in the S&P 500 in 2002-2003 would be worth closer to $120k - $125k today, depending on the actual timing of the investment. Shit, even ignoring all of the insurance and maintenance and storage costs, their gross return selling the car for $40k will be about 1% per…

“To them, it was an investment.”

3) People (like me) who wanted to be able to do everything you could do with a pickup truck, but who didn’t want to own a pickup.

I was just thinking the other day that I’m about due for a midlife crisis. This’ll do.

I was going to write a country song for Joe to sign during his time off, but I couldn’t think of any good words to rhyme with “suspended.”