Big deal. FBI Agent John Utah jumped out of a plane with no parachute whatsoever.

“I think we found our next football coach!”

If you're a parent at one of these games and you see this happen to your kid, how do you not stomp this guy the fuck out on the spot? 

A brick upside the thinkpiece oughta do it.

You know it's a Buffalo dildo because they all curve to the right.

HOLY SHIT I DO NOT CARE

I bet some Sully from Waltham then took that dust and smoked it out of a lightbulb.

Damn, that's dedication. I would've just given him a handjob.

Juuust past the giant bag of money.

I used to play bass for Wall Street Sex Dungeon.

Plus I heard that Cruz guy might be the Zodiac Killer.

Morons. Everyone knows you don't get a hangover if you just keep drinking.

The least convincing acting job since Michael Jackson married Lisa Marie.

I bet he wanted $75 million.

Tweener Lob sounds like a depraved sex act.

Thank you for this cogent analysis.  No sarcasm!

“Wire fraud” has to be the most generalized criminal charge ever.

This guy is definitely THE biggest dickhead on earth.

“The police chief would not go into further details about what happened with that investigation.”

I’m surprised Russell Wilson didn't make the cut.