All of this allegedly puts a former Mexican tabloid executive in the locker rooms of the last three Super Bowls, surreptitiously nabbing incredibly valuable sports memorabilia right from under the noses of at least dozens of people, only to get caught a couple years later. This is the greatest story.

Hopefully when he’s ready to retire at 50 we can get him over to MLS

Do you know why I remain a Patriots fan Drew? Because of my father. I lived in Maine my entire childhood and teenage years. I remember the shit years, the years where Velcro on the gloves wouldn’t have helped the receivers make catches. For years we were the butts of the NFL. Then suddenly Mo Lewis knocks out Bledsoe…

#HotTake: This was intentionally done by a team employee who 1) thought it would be funny or 2) was making a statement about the team trading for him. Because the chance that this was a random occurrence- that song for that player- is zero.

Thank goodness he's ok - it would have been really ugly if he dyed.

The Four Rules

Who the fuck didn’t clear their weapon for a demonstration? Or did they think using live rounds during one was a good idea?

Can we hire this grounds crew for the Pro Bowl?

Maybe they just have to look around harder for that Missingno.

He’s already demanded a trade to the Pirates.

Once there was a player who stood and peed next to the pitch.

Another take: Rickon is a fucking idiot, who threw away the chance for Ned Stark’s only legitimate, non-magic son to rule because he didn’t know how to run serpentine.

So the Galaxy won thanks to some deus ex maquina.

Jesus Christ there may be no more insufferably, inexplicably defensive fans than Baltimore fans. Shut the fuck up.

“I used to lay in my twin bed at night and wonder where my brother was.” - Mitch Hedberg

What else were they expecting from Pirates?

Torres’ resurgence is nearly enough to get me to watch La Liga sometimes. The way he left Liverpool was enough to make me put his jerseys at the back of the closet for years, but I’m thrilled to see him back at it again, and especially for Atletico and not Chelsea.

I dnt play them games

Hey guys, good job. You did exhaustive research trying to prove this guy to be a liar, but came up short. Alas, you ran with the pointless story anyway.

This is Adequate Man, not I Spent $500 On Snow Tires And Probably Also Didn't Use Underwear As A Washcloth This Morning Man.