UPDATE: And we’re hearing now that Brian Cox’s older brother will be played by Vin Diesel. When contacted for comment, Diesel would only remark: “FAMBLY.”

Spider-Man: No Way Home (In Time for Dinner Unless I Just Knock This New Poster Out in Like Five Minutes and Beat the Traffic on the I-110)

“Of course, the real lethal weapon is vaccinations...”

“Ancient immortal warlord here, nine centuries’ experience running my own criminal empire. Finally got to watch Shang-Chi at the weekend, and hoo-boy do we have to talk about the logistics of the Ten Rings. 1/”

And I’m not sure they even realise that dumping such a huge slate of shows onto our calendars at once might have that effect for some people! Keeping up with two or three movies a year was one thing, but they’re reaching hubristic DC-crossover-event levels of commitment demand. At least the YouTube explainer video…

And yet somehow Terry Crews is the one who got that Amazon warehouse recruitment ad gig.

Does the Silver Surfer have a dog?

Jesus, what a firehose. Next thing they’ll just be adapting those old Twinkies ads.

All Dogs Go to Heaven (Because Agatha Just Straight-Up Killed Them)

I just hope Disney lets the character keep some of the edge that made her interesting in the first place. By which I mean she needs to be killing at least one dog per episode. Make The Kathryn Hahn Dog-Killin’ Hour, you cowards.

Maybe the fact that they’re doing period pieces now means there’s finally hope for my Roman Empire-set screenplay Octavian vs. Predator.

Condemned to Hell of Boiling Oil by Lo Pan.

Let’s face it, the main reason to watch this is to see if they’ve come up with some mean-spirited excuse for Kim Cattrall’s character being absent:

I went back to the cinema for the first time a few weeks ago to see Dune, hitting an early afternoon showing so it wouldn’t be too crowded. And while I was glad to see it on the biggest possible screen with a great sound system, the three-quarters empty theatre made me a) feel more secure, and b) feel a little bummed…

The warning signs were all there, people. Bearded, loves the colour red, hands out presents even to the undeserving poor, general Scandinavian vibes - Santa was always a damn commie.

Dude, I can’t believe you’re showing me this video. That is so crazy and wild.

“Hating the rich is the l-l-last acceptable prejudice!”

I feel like they’ve made a rod for their own backs with that title, when every conversation about the show has to start with: “No, not Mare of Easttown, that critically-acclaimed show that everyone loved last year. No, it’s not related to it. No, we don’t have Jean Smart...”

Having a thankless side role in a soulless Disney+ franchise extension exercise: zero stars.

Going by Mikey Day’s SNL roles, I’d expect to see a side character in this whose only role is to flatly point out how wild and unlikely everything is, in case the audience missed it.