I’m sure there’s a mod for that.

SPOILERS: In the post-credits scene, they flash-forward to the kid as an adult in a creepy mask with a siren blaring in the background, and you realise the whole thing has been a prequel to the Purge movies.

He truly is the right-wing talk radio of Skyrim.

“Do the elves take your homes? Your businesses? Your children? Your very lives? Let’s go Brandon! We’re gonna take some callers.”

Playing it shortly after it came out, I remember being blown away by the open worldiness in a way that nothing since has ever quite matched. I had just moved to a big city with traffic fuming by outside my window, and booting up Skyrim to tramp across the meadows and mountains really felt like playing Fresh Air…

If I pay my subscription for a VR Steamboat Willie, then gosh darn it that’s what I expect to get.

This is the kind of megalomania you only get after hearing ‘It’s a Small World After All’ too many times through your office window. Eventually it stops being a charming theme park ditty and starts to sound like a challenge to ascend to infinite AI godhood.

I’ll be damned, he did! My cheap jibe has become a learning moment. I wonder if he played him as some kind of intense oddball genius who delivers all his lines in a superior mutter?

Now play Van Gogh, idiot.

I look forward to the hasty asset-swapped Unity mobile game where I have to flick dead fish at a series of Gollums in funny hats.

14/13 J.K. Rowling’s Twitter feed

A Cleopatra movie? Well, at least those always run smoothly, on budget, and to schedule.

BREAKING: Constitutional originalists on the Supreme Court have blocked any spending on electricity upgrades, on the grounds that the Founding Fathers intended any Americans who wanted electricity to just fly a kite with a key attached to it.

“Of course - horse paste.”

Meanwhile, a cagey Cookie Monster would only say that he respects the science but takes great care before letting any substance into his body.

The Germans call this condition Backpfeifengesicht, and there is only one cure.

I loved that guy's mugger-in-an-80s-Frank-Miller-comic energy.

Or they could just lean into it and cast Ben Platt as Eleven’s high school boyfriend.

Given the LA high school setting, I want to see Eleven doing Zack Morris’s Saved By the Bell ‘time out’ thing to freeze everyone and talk directly to the camera. But she’s psychically controlling them, and you can see the uncomprehending terror dawning in their eyes.

“Sleeping with your wife? No, no, no. I grant you this looks bad, but would you believe that our clothes were actually just cancelled by the woke mob?”

“Screw you, Disney, you two-bit punks! I’m Emilio Estevez, I’ve got lots going on in 2021.”

...

“Has Joe Rogan called back? Damn it.”