Imagine a British comedy sketch with the premise: “wow US Democrats sure do hate Trump’s wall i bet that makes him sad how do they keep their roofs up if they hate walls so much lol”, and you have an idea of how wrongheaded that Theresa May sketch was.

I hear Ed Norton and Terrence Howard are setting up their own superhero cinematic universe, with blackjack and hookers.

So you’re saying Robin will win because during the war he bravely ran away away?

Good point. In real-world politics election-by-combat is considered so backwards that only UKIP still chooses its leader that way.

Not only that, but a CIA agent in Africa whose triumphant climax comes when he shoots down some planes.

I’d argue it’s still a reversal of those old narratives, where the implicit threat was usually the reverse: that the modern world will invade and destroy the lost kingdom. King Solomon’s Mines even has a Killmonger-style exiled prince, Ignosi, but when he’s restored to the throne he wants nothing more than to preserve…

One of the great things about Black Panther is how the whole concept of Wakanda subverts the old imperialist Lost African Kingdom trope, where a Western explorer discovers some isolated, backwards tribe and is taken to be a god because he has, like, a box of matches or something. (Hello, King Solomon’s Mines.) Klaue…

And if Britain crashes out of the EU with no deal, visitors to Northern Ireland can expect an even more authentic Westeros experience - militarised borders! Sectarian tensions! The ever-present threat of sudden violence! Come for the scenery, stay because all the flights have been grounded again.

I’ve been getting more and more sick of the Netflix Mush formula. Everything has the same prestige-lite sheen, the same generally solid casts underserved by their scripts, the same algorithm-dictated cliffhangers, the same slow goddamn pacing... Just add a dash of superhero seasoning to the mush, or crime, or sci-fi,…

This cast is not terrible, so I guess I’ll look forward to it until Netflix messes it up with a turgidly-paced 10-episode season of 63-minute episodes. In episode 10, they go into space!

Also, I hear he’s always up for some hacky sack and used to be the bass player for The Pretenders.

BREAKING: In a press conference, Kazakhstan President Kassym-Jomart Tokayev has hit back at Australia by reminding everyone of the existence of the film Australia.

They’ll make up for it with the next entry, ‘Jon gets a new hairstyle! (And resurrected)’

Don’t worry, true believer! Official Avengers-branded piss bottles will be sold on the door.

And we really don’t need the origin story again so soon. Awkward high schooler, bitten by a radioactive hell, great power...we get it already, Hollywood!

Peterloo is a strange one. For long stretches it seems almost like a filmed sourcebook of early 19th-century speeches and letters, which your mileage may vary for, but which certainly catches the flavour of the time. Then in other scenes it presents crowd-pleasingly wicked toff villains who could have walked off the…

“Here’s your tip: smile more! (I have complained to the manager about your attitude.)”

Too bad to bring out of the grays, but too good not to share: a devastatingly timely burn from tuna tony.

When the America First revolution comes, all the intellectual glasses-wearers will be the first up against the wall. But then the firing squads will miss, because it will turn out they’re all in denial about needing glasses themselves.

Well, no use complaining once the pun thread becomes a feta ccompli.