By this definition of ‘winning’, he is truly sick of winning. Just like he promised!

If global warming is real, how come we’re getting a Frozen II? Libs have no answer!

If you tried to debut the Beatles’ hits in 2019, you’d get derailed immediately by a torrent of think pieces saying ‘Please Please Me’ is about a toxic relationship.

I think this statement is a heartwarming beacon of inclusiveness, when you consider that it was probably co-drafted by PR hacks from Marvel Studios, Universal, and Warner Brothers. <3

It’s also a way in which the film draws on its ‘70s conspiracy thriller inspirations. Films like Marathon Man, The Boys From Brazil, and especially The Odessa File were full of this trope of Nazis covertly surviving, flourishing, and influencing the modern world.

I loved Winter Soldier, but its conspiracy plot was a bit too far-fetched. Nazi sympathisers holding immense political and military power in the 21st-century USA? Whatever, comic books!

Best backhanded celebrity endorsement since James Bond hit rock bottom in Skyfall and grimly chugged a Heineken.

Jurassic Park for me. But I must have skipped a good few years, because rewatching it in the cinema for a 25th anniversary screening recently threw up an exchange that lil’ Curmudgahideen definitely didn’t get:

Yet another franchise that inexplicably feels the need to tweak its title for a cinema audience. Why can’t they just call Calvin Shaw by his first name and show us Dwayne Johnson in the goddamn tiger suit already?

BREAKING: We regret to inform you the egret is a Proud Boy.

In the first scene, Vin Diesel will tearfully break it to the gang that Johnson won’t be back because he was beaten to death by some Girl Scouts.

I look forward to this ballooning into a bloated, terribly-paced trilogy:

Miller, the studio notes are in. They think we’re being too subtle with the daddy issues.

EXT. - RACETRACK - 1994

He had better growl “Don’t tread on me” at some hapless bad guy just before messily running him over.

As the town’s only snow plow driver, I guess Neeson has a very particular set of wheels.

Tom Hooper has such a laughably tiny bag of tricks that it’s really more like a pencil case. Off-centre framing! Extreme close-ups! So many Dutch angles that at one point in John Adams there’s a Dutch angle when he’s meeting some Dutchmen and you start to wonder if it’s an elaborate joke before realising that, no, the…

Since we’re talking about a hacky horror movie franchise here, I’m guessing the Dark Universe isn’t really dead but will appear in the bathroom mirror for a cheap jump scare in a mid-credits teaser.

Cthulhu WTFhagn?

Hey, I also base my worldview on an edgy adoption of the opposite of whatever most people think is sensible! And I’m a perfectly happy and well-balanced Flat Earther who has never had a vaccination or tidied his room, because it’ll just get dirty again, Mom.