[Disgruntled fan heeds Oscar Isaac’s advice and shuts self away to write a good old-fashioned space opera with no pesky assertive modern fe-males, just subservient princesses who simper and clutch to the legs of muscled, sword-wielding, space-Scotch-drinking Men.]

[Waves hand.]

All I know is that he better be playing obscure EU Jedi character Phin-Law Wo, who, according to my elaborate fan theory, is Rey’s real father because Rian Johnson can go to hell HE CAN GO TO HELL.

I’ve never seen Lee’s Hulk, but having watched the clips here I think the official MCU would definitely be richer for including a minute and a half of Nick Nolte doing drugs and staring at his hand.

The comparisons check out. Harriet Tubman was infamous in her day for talking shit about other abolitionists like John Brown and William Still on her privately-circulated wax-cylinder podcasts.

Yeah, the self-obsession is not surprising. Remember the time Madonna made a Wallis Simpson biopic in which half the movie was about a thinly-disguised Madonna stand-in researching Wallis Simpson?

And it’s fascinating to think how far we’ve come since the 1970s. Now, if someone asks me to divide 329 by 17, I can just accuse them of being an elitist metropolitan expert and bellow “FAKE NEWS” at them until they go away.

Needs more BB-8 reaction shots. We only had, what, about seven in 60 seconds?

This is all especially shocking after Trump’s sensitive, nuanced and historically-conscious appeal to black voters in 2016.

And now, an exclusive leak of the Republican talking points for if/when the ‘N-word tape’ comes out:

1) If black people can use the word, why can’t Trump? The President is very concerned with building bridges, and reclaiming this word for everybody (old-school racists included) can only help to bring America together.

These people call themselves Atlas Shrugged fans, but they recorded these videos for free to benefit somebody else? Pfft.

The comic version also ends (as far as I can remember - it’s been years) with a self-aware bit of metacommentary on the ghoulishness and icky gender politics of the ‘Ripper industry’  - which the film obviously then went on to exploit.

I can’t wait for the wacky blind date montage set to ‘I Ain’t Got Nobody’.

Paltrow, being the insulated, out-of-touch celebrity that she is, sees it as “a necessary growing pain.”

Those monsters sent Rubicon to the gas chamber! It was so young.

Dimboola the champion Victorian bulldog would like to have a grumpy word.

If Karl Urban can’t do it, this is a role that seems destined for one of the lesser Hemsworths. Reggie? Harpo? Ugly Chris? We’ll see.

Not to mention the fact that the company is still named after (and very likely run by the terrifying cryogenically-frozen head of) noted antisemite, union-buster, and totalitarian futurist Walt Disney.

No cube-gleaming, no sale.

Yeah, Poe’s Law is really working overtime these days.