Azathoth!

“Ai say! Ai’m walking heah!”

But it’s the perfect time to launch a prequel series set during the reign of the Mad King. Just picture Aerys Targaryen shuffling around the Red Keep in his bathrobe and sending out belligerent, semi-literate raven messages at all hours of the night.

Most of the other films should eventually see release, but unfortunately for Mary Magdalene at least half of its running time is just guys masturbating into plant pots.

The price of getting Harrison Ford on board was setting it in the 1960s and agreeing to a script he wrote on a series of empty pizza boxes called Indiana Jones and the Mountain of Reefer.

He should be locked up alongside the world’s most prosecuted man, Bill Stickers.

But the funniest bits are the most absurd, with Moffat inexplicably being replaced for one round by an identically styled Luke Null...

It’s a disgrace that an American actor could be taking this role when Australia is turning out raw young talents like Sam Worthington.

And I’m sorry Rian Johnson took your mint 1983 Luke Skywalker action figure out of the packaging and played with it.

I have one suggestion: at 01:20, when Timothy Dalton takes out a sniper rifle and says “You didn’t think I’d miss this performance, did you?”, we should immediately cut to Pierce Brosnan singing ‘S.O.S.’ in Mamma Mia.

Beats my idea, John Wick 3: Wicky Wicky Wicky Wild Wild West.

Automatically marked down a letter grade for not going with John Wi3k.

The big twist here is that the pool table is also his illegitimate kid. Cage does some of his best ever acting in the flashback to its conception.

[Blade Runner 2049] ruined my childhood! There’s no way [Decker] would just have retreated to some isolated [casino] after things went wrong! And [Ryan Gosling] is a Mary Sue who is unrealistically quick in learning how to [...blade run, I guess?]!

Ugh, can you imagine if someone took a classic like 2005's Star Wars: Battlefront and mashed it up with some lootbox shooter trash like Battlefield?

The sweet-smelling farts were inside him all along. But more inside than usual. Like, meaningfully inside.

I can see the cameo now:

Some nice cross-promotional work from Hamill there for his gig voicing the Joker.

Fun fact! We all know that Wasp first appeared in Tales to Astonish #44 (June 1963) - but did you know that the superhero originally slated to fill her role was named Bee? Unfortunately, Bee died in her first appearance after leaving her stinger and a large chunk of her abdomen and digestive tract embedded in a bank…

I’m sick of all these potshots against Rogue One’s CGI Tarkin.