[Runs in, breathless.]

They could get around the scheduling difficulties and avoid recasting by just doing the prequel scenes as five-minute stretches of [FOOTAGE NOT FOUND].

She should have studied Denise Richards's career-best performance in The World Is Not Enough.

Look, ABC was just offering alternative nominees. And if, on February 26, it feels like reporting that Amy Adams and Tom Hanks have won, that too will be its right.

The important thing you have to understand about Ordinary People is that they're a silent majority, and need their beliefs and needs interpreted by a priestly caste of overpaid right-wing media hacks.

If you enjoyed that Nazi getting punched in his Nazi face, do yourself a favour and look up the video of Piers Morgan getting belted repeatedly with cricket balls, while a booing crowd enjoys his pain. It's a thing of beauty.

On the other hand, it's hard to imagine a Trump resignation speech without the phrases "simultaneous launches", "huge, tremendous casualty numbers", and "all going to Hell together".

"No puppet! You're the puppet!"

In retaliation, Trump has vowed to pull American support from Wilco's fan club, the North Atlantic Tweedy Organisation.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, I like to imagine all these right-wing trolls gritting their teeth and subscribing to Goop, purely because Gwyneth Paltrow said Trump's win was 'exciting'.

You've heard of 'suicide by cop'. Now, brace yourself for 'suicide by rival superpower'.

"IS THIS HOW PEOPLE LOOK WHEN THEY'RE THINKING? SHOULD I BE PURSING MY LIPS EVEN MORE? HRRRNGGH…"

It's not about plot, or rhyming inventively,
It's all about proclaiming your liberal identity.

Those "Sad!" exclamations at the end of Trump's tweets were a cry for help all along, and we were too busy despising him and everything he stands for to notice and/or give a shit.

La La World.

Meanwhile, no-one is talking about those Hamilton reeducation camps.

She did Rickroll the whole nation in her RNC speech.

I thought it was a bunch of those liberal snowflakes I keep hearing about.

"Yeah … the kids … 18+ … insert … away."

Maybe they pissed Trump off with that "America's Best Idea" motto. He has the best ideas!