Oh man. Is that why my Roomba keeps trying to seduce me by telling me it wants to "feel alive"?

The club's gone to the dogs since they started letting demmed Catholics in, what what.

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series

The Crown

Downton Abbey

Game Of Thrones

Ah, Evil Lincoln. Despite your name, you've clearly never befriended anyone just so you can work your way into their heart, then destroy them.

"I'm detecting a deep, heartfelt love…a passion beyond time and space… Tell me, who is this 'Drake'?"

I thought: romantic, but misjudged. Like I said, I mostly really liked the movie and am willing to give it the benefit of the doubt.

Honestly, I really liked Arrival but for me it didn't quite stick the landing in terms of tone or subtlety. One of Jeremy Renner's final lines actually got a laugh in the cinema where I saw it.

He's not only hosting, but playing all the Best Original Score nominees as a one-man band.

But The Artist was a love letter to Hollywood, and those guys are blushing suckers when it comes to flattery. That movie could have ended with a ten-minute speech about the need for racial purity and most Academy voters would already have posted in their ballots for it.

There's a simple fix for Arrival: minor reshoots for the beginning and end that show Amy Adams deliberately picking up an album titled MAX RICHTER'S ON THE NATURE OF DAYLIGHT, putting it on, then sighing and saying "Ah, I do so love diegetic music." Then maybe a significant look into the camera.

'Ur-fish'? Like, the coelacanth?

Help, I'm being oppressed!

'Siobhan' is a relatively easy one to lure folks in. Then we hit them with 'Siadhbh'.

O Nancy Kerrigan, Where Art Thou? (So I Can Break Thy Leg).

Somebody needs to tell 50 Cent that sucking dicks is how you're supposed to get awards you don't deserve, not just an insult for when you don't get them.

Well, without his face, that forehead would be even larger.

"Aquaman, the citizens of landlocked South Dakota need your help! … Aquaman? I think he hung up."

We could try rebooting him as a heroin addicted jazz critic who hates fish.

Salmon should stop this before it goes any further.

When you're playing second fiddle to Aquaman, it's time to rethink your life.