Hey! My grandmother died of that.

Hot tip: You can get all that and Jar Jar-style offensive racial stereotyping in any given book of nineteenth-century history.

I have a bad feeling about this.

The Mystery of the Vanished Polar Ice Cap.

But whatever you do, stay out of the James Woods.

So… New Zealand, then?

You mean…in Australia?

"Pop music, hotshot."

Let's face it, they'll be forced to take Trump Steaks.

The problem is that they're getting their entire digestive systems to Mars. A solitary ass would present far fewer problems.

George R.R. Martin has been doing this joke for so long that most people have forgotten his real surname is 'Martinez'.

Book Three is mostly just Kvothe going to a job he hates, occasionally checking his loan balance, and feeling like he needs a goddamn drink.

It was only an executive order, actually. You can bet it'll be gone the day Trump gets in.

I think he gets in a duel with King George III because of, like, the Federal Reserve or something. And the title is a spoiler. Long story short, happy Independence Day!

I've read both books and am baffled by the hype. Rothfuss can turn a phrase occasionally, sure, but the main character is a grating fantasy Nice Guy (who also happens to be the World's Greatest Lover), and the main plot has been stagnant for two huge books now. The only tension I can remember is over whether the guy…

Now more than ever, the world needs Star Trek and its fantastical sci fi premise of humanity making it past 2020 without all blowing up, catching on fire and sliding into the ocean.

Now HBO just needs to start offering GoT-branded boob jobs, and the God of Tits and Wine will be satisfied.

"Do you bleed your radiator?"

Most of the movie is just a battered McQueen sitting up on blocks in a front yard, angrily alienating all his friends who want to help him.

WHERE ARE THE ROLE MODELS FOR YOUNG MEN I ASK YOU PROGRESSIVE HOLLYWEIRD PUSHING ITS INSIDIOUS AGENDA THAT WOMEN CAN DO THINGS