Ah, it's okay. I'm just cranky because I got Belgium in the office pool.

And I'm one of their paid shills, just muddying the waters!

SPOILERS, damn it.

Conspiracy theories are often pretty moronic, though. They're designed to give people without any actual earned knowledge the exclusive glow of self-satisfaction that comes from understanding how things work.

- Kellyanne Conway's Google search history.

Hey man, she was asking for it. Well, she was asking for your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free…but you've got to read between the lines with women sometimes.

The Guardian correspondent Ben Jacobs had an excellent tweet yesterday:

Hey, Bruce's poop just happens to be tougher than the rest, okay?

Sorry, South Park already holds the copyright on 'Batdad'.

Ich bin ein, err, ahh, Eggman.

What the lamestream media won't tell you is that Paul McCartney died in 1966, and was replaced in the band by an unacknowledged bastard son of John F Kennedy.

I've told this story here before, but as an Irishman traveling around the US I was told by loads of people that I must love that movie. It was only later, when I tried to watch it, that I realised I had basically been the victim of multiple hate crimes.

Man, I remember those 20 seconds. Good times.

We all know that the real 1MDB scandal is the mysteriously high placing of The Shawshank Redemption in their Best Movies list.

"I may be a turkey, sir, but I'm also a proud American who has had ENOUGH of the lie-beral media's War On Thanksgiving."

"Hey bro, welcome to Delta Iota Kappa!"

I want to hear the Sorting Hat's inner monologue some day and find out that it's just a total snob judging the kids based on their shoes, accent and probable parental income.

I can't stand here and fact-check you all evening, Core Concept, but Politifact has deemed your statement 'Mostly False'. Look it up, people.

Well, since we're on the subject of the early '90s, why aren't we talking more about explicit hip-hop lyrics? I think this would be a fantastic time to have a long, involved debate about hip-hop lyrics, and the effect they're having on our society.

"Your sweater and humble charm please us, Ken Bone. Take a goblet of wine with us, that we may love thee better."