You haven’t lived until you’ve tried these:

This was made in VW’s Joy Division factory.

I learned it from this episode:

Got you covered...

Obligatory:

She’s “acting” (lying) when she says everything is fine, thus she is now an actress.

Look on the bright side... You might!

The Golden Girls is just a poor man’s The Facts of Life. There.... I said it.

“Au pairs”, “exchange students”, “foreign ambassadors”.

“....don’t speak ill of the dead.” DEAD!

Why is she dressed as an egg roll?

Bartenders HATE this approach. You don’t go to a restaurant or clothing store and say “choose for me.” Don’t do it in a bar, either.

Counter point: Eat a bag of gin-soaked dicks.

Chardonay: The buttery ass-juice of wine!

That’s a Donkey... Not a horse... Which I guess he thinks has something to do with Puerto Rico.

The hair on that woman... Oy!

At least the paper rectumfied their error.

Slamming your empty glass repeatedly on the bar while loudly whistling at them will ensure prompt service.