A native New Yorker who doesn’t claim that absolutely everything about New York City is special and unique and totally different from everywhere else?? I like you.

This right here is sum funny shit.

Laugh all you want, Tom. The last thing this country needs is more division.

This is going to be such a glorious shitshow.

He’s reportedly half-thrilled to get the chance to coach Colin Kaepernick.

He was a dynamic offensive threat that changed the National Football League and inspired guys like Aaron Hernandez and Rae Carruth. RIP.

You are handsome. Don’t worry. It’s just a game.

Makes sense, seeing as both take about 14 shots before they get a point

That is, of course, if they can find her.

Typical millennial. All meme meme meme.

We all love Jack Sock, but I’m really happy you included footage of Hewitt’s money shot.

Ooooh. For some reason I read the headline as “Ben Carson chased down and beheaded his own carjacker” and I wondered just what sort of batshit tangent his campaign was off on this time. Befriended makes more sense, sort of. I guess. I don’t know anymore. I need wine.

READ LIST OF GRAPHIC PENIS INJURY DESCRIPTIONS.

How can a moment that wasn’t any of ours’ favorite sports moment of the year be a glaring omission from a list of our favorite sports moments of the year?

She told us about it, but it wasn’t an abortion, see. It was a “procedure.” An abortion is something that a wanton slut gets so that she can have consequence-free sex, usually performed by a cackling lesbian socialist at Planned Parenthood while Slayer plays over the intercom.

Billy, if you want to die because of something a Brazilian soccer player did you should just officiate a Brazilian soccer match.

Your answer is informative, helpful, and non-judgmental. I hate it and I hate you, too.

Depends on your perspective? “Erin” is an Anglicized version of “Eirinn”, which is one of the forms in Gaelic for “Eire” = i.e., Ireland. “Eireann” is the genitive, like “of Ireland,” so the Dail Eireann is, literally, “Assembly of Ireland” (one of the houses of their legislature).

“Hey hun, would you mind spending the next couple of hours watching something that you have zero interest in?”

Hayden’s doctors predict that by next season, all his fears will have been forgotten.