I think you can only be pardoned by the president for federal crimes

It matters because our country is best off with an efficient transfer of power.

They’re up 5% from people gorging themselves in soon to be discontinued items.

Mustard Mags has broken my heart

Really, my favorite part is that he had precise equal amounts of three Taco Bell sauces, and a single tb hot sauce

I mean. He REALLY LIKES takeout

If you do this enough throughout history, you will ensure this article never happens

I feel like an article about combining random various sauces is not the place to announce your ketchup superiority. 

Indeed. If you ever get to ask your uncle for his insight, I’d love to hear it. All of it intrigues me!

I have a cursory understanding of soju culture, so to answer your question I’d start by researching the custom around serving soju. As I understand it, you never pour for yourself. The eldest in the party pours for the next eldest. Then the person who was just served pours for the next-next eldest, and down the line,…

Parfait may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet

I feel like headline needed a spoiler alert. Like, what if I never wanted to hear about thíŋpsiŋla. Too late. I was robbed of my ability to make the choice for myself.

I always thought Oscar Mayer missed an opportunity when they didn’t brand them “My First Charcuterie Board”

Glad somebody said it

I appreciate your nod to old deadspin by disparaging barstool

My biggest concern with this idea is that it necessitates a second visit to Burger King. 

Just because you don’t understand it. Doesn’t make him any less a hero. 

It’s only the limit if the line is drawn at paralysis

I, for one, would be sad to see this happen; the running joke has provided me far more joy than the McFlurry ever could

Kind of, but with added disappointment and regret