He looks not so much like Jonny Depp and more like Daniel Faraday from LOST.

Is Miley Cyrus topical? Isn't this, like 6 months too late? Or more?

Again, MEH.

If Kanye interupts, color me unimpressed because...well, its too obvious.

MEH!

Joke got old, and is now dead.

So everyone stops reading when they see the words "Myst" and "movie" and skip over the part where it says they're going to base it on the novels so they can chime in with "A Myst movie? How will that work!?!? Point, click, point, click, etc."

@Tuor_of_Gondolin: Myst III: Exile, actually.

It should've been you!

The pink suit MAKES this sketch.

This. Is. Worthless.

Ohhh!!! I HATE this sketch!

Big Wigs! No!

They had several months to write an opening sketch and...

"Manos: The Hands of Fate" was practically made for Jalopnik. Half of the movie is driving. Literally.

I believe Joel from MST3K made something similar to this once...

@RudyWaltz: EXACTLY the first thing I thought of. There must be something wrong with me.

Maybe they all wrote the same review because there wasn't much depth for the reviewers to go off on different tangents about?

Unfortunately, this sounded like the first half of a story I'd read on The Onion.

I went to college at UCF, about 30 miles west of the space center. Just far enough that it was just over the horizon, but close enough that space shuttle lift-offs were a site to be seen.