Jellybeans, too. One Easter, my then toddler kept bringing me white jellybeans, demanding I open my mouth, then popping them in. At first I thought she just didn’t like the white beans, but after about the 20th, I discovered she was sucking the colored sugar coatings off the beans, then feeding me their naked corpses.

My daughter said she wanted to be a princess. I said why not a queen?

“Look what you made me do.”

So the guy perpetrates the violence and then blames the woman for not preventing it? (Checks all of human history.) YUP! CHECKS OUT!

LANAAAAA!!!!! I really hope this doesn’t post as big as it looks like it will...

I’m in touch with my rings and other people’s rings

Self absorbent guys arent all bad. You can use them to clean wine spills.

This comment is bad.

For some reason your Reddit story made me laugh so hard that I was scared I’d wake up my boyfriend with my body vibrating in bed!

Hahahaha, could be. Back around Christmas, I had made a comment on Reddit and a user there replied with... “Mom?” I just thought it was a joke and a minute later, my son was in my doorway and asked, “Do you use Reddit?” Oh, man. The internet is a small place sometimes.

this is amazing.

so I wrapped my hand in a bunch of paper towels and grabbed the poop and then THREW THE POOP OUT THE BATHROOM WINDOW and it landed on the top of the garage and as far as I know is still there

Oh omg this just reminded me so vividly of my own similar experience: I was in college, watching a movie with this guy I was sort of seeing. Not a lot of comfort between us, yet, is what I mean. Still in the hiding our farts phase. But I really liked him. He lived in an old house with a bunch of housemates but they…

Oh my god one time in freshman year I was in Harvard Square at 1 in the morning having just tried to stop the dam against drunkenness at Felipe’s and I really had to pee to I ran down into a loading dock and only discovered after I was done that I had accidentally soiled a pigeon.

I have no memory of this, my mother told the story at my grandfather’s wake to our assembled relatives as a ‘remember the time Tammster...’ story. Anyhow, apparently as a small child - toddler small - she used to take me a playgroup. There was an older child, although still smallish, who would regularly just walk up…

16-year-old girls.

Breaking news: white man with lots of privilege cannot handle losing contest. Just wants things handed to him.

That’s just good business

it’s just a picture of legs that cuts to an image of a man standing in a burning house and he has a goat head and his eyes are the black of the void and then it cuts back to an image of legs with paint on them and then it’s the goat headed man and he’s closer to the foreground and I can smell sulfur and then it cuts…

“I’m sick and tired of people like you...”