Ted Cruz combines the charisma of a mortician with the political savvy of the kid who wears a suit while running for high school class president.

yeahhhhh this made me roll my eyes super hard

“I’m gonna sit on your cock so hard and haphazardly that you’ll be permanently injured and you’ll experience pain whenever you get an erection for the rest of your life!”

Late 90's/early 00's internet porn warped/formed the sexuality of too many young men who are now full-fledged adults. It served to amplify the misogyny already latent in the culture.

Well obviously “I would bust that pussy” isn’t sexy at all. He should have said “I would bust that meat wallet.” “Meat wallet” is universally recognized as the most sexiest vag euphemism in existence.

Seconded heartily! The child has no agency at all, so showing his face is just depriving him of his privacy and linking him to these caregivers in a way that is shamelessly opportunistic. If he was a juvenile crime suspect, he’d have more privacy than this!

Just tell him you can’t go because you have to return some videotapes. Works every time.

Welcome to ‘Pictorial’ where we describe perfectly preserved ships without pictures.

“...it always has to come in jokes”

Molestr?

You get jumped by Desnudas, and have to fight Antisemitic Elmo for the last cronut at the pop up. A Central Park magician smoking a Pall Mall butt saves you, but he maligns your Louboutin shoes as “over, ‘Trust Fund’ “ and laughs at your Mac-Man Cosmetics. He leaves you with “3/10, WOULDN’T” and slouches off cackling.…

Yeah, the Donald is unfit for the office. But something about Hillary sticks in my craw. I guess it’s my feeling that she manipulates so much. For example, during the Convention she made such a hubbub about smashing through the glass ceiling. I was thinking, you, like George Bush, were born on third base and think…

THIS OMG THANK YOU.

i hate all vocabulary, because it’s all penis based. like the term “semester”. why can’t it be “ovester”?

all i’m reading rn is penis penis penis penis penis penis

People choose one of them because they apparently don’t recognize that they are voting for who will actually occupy the office of the presidency, and that a vote for a third party candidate is a vote for either Clinton or Trump, depending on which one is ahead in that particular state.

After sex I just crack their ribs open and eat them, that way they are not ALLOWED to speak.