Your [circle one of the following: son/daughter/husband/wife] knew what they were signing up for. Besides, I like sailors who don’t get killed while serving. Plus, it’s not like they had to avoid STDs during the Manhattan disco club scene. That’s real danger.

No. You’re wrong. I’m the only one. I’m the brave one. Stop suppressing my free speech!

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

I agree with you, with the caveat that there are a whole lot of Christians doing this work too. They just aren’t the assholes running their mouths on Fox News; they aren’t the loud ones who are the public face of American Christianity.

All them so-called followers of The Christ are perhaps the very last people The Christ would even want following him around catching fish. Seems to me, he’d be at the strip club, jails, farmer’s markets, ghetto, and just about anywhere other than this country, those ugly mega churches, those cathedrals of gold and…

Ok. But I have a better terrible sitcom idea: It’s the lovable schlub dad, but the sexy nagging shrew wife is a ghost who is haunting her family. Like the dad is trying to get out there and date again, and ghost mom is just like scaring the living shit out of all of the unworthy would be stepmothers. At the end of…

I have a hard time taking someone seriously when they don’t the political difference between a RHINO and a RINO.

Not that I am suggesting it — or am I not not suggesting it might not not be a great idea? — but it would be a real shame if someone were to spray or oops, accidentally spill, something that absolutely reeks, which certainly could discourage people from spending much time talking or listening there. I certainly…

Spoken like a fellow rapist, “Distributorofpain.”

I think women should be given equal opportunity to punch Richard Spencer in the face.

Sorry, I should be fingerprinted.

In fact, Lucas says he’s just trying to make a point about gun laws, and he may even be joking about the journalism part.

“Met the president of the Virgin Islands” - my new favorite euphemism for masturbation.

Of course there is. See the occupied territories.

The Clinton’s are GOP. Deregulation of the communication industry, welfare reform, and let us not forget DOMA. Fuck them.

The day the Clintons disappear forever can’t come soon enough. Hillbilly huscksters who got taken out by a syphilitic game show host. It is the legacy they wholeheartedly deserve.

Five bucks says that in thirty years time, somebody leaks documents that reveal it was actually the CIA who accidentally caused this while trying to spy on the Cubans.

Bro, I know you’re trying to better yourself, but a hint of advice that seems to be kind of lost on you:

Consent of a non-involved party when it comes to the sexual encounter. The sexual encounter happens between two consenting adults.

They need to find someone else to write this column