Doctor Demon Semen

...by the MF who wrote it, at the time he was writing it, no less

My high school reunion was online and made it to the New York Times as a result. It was nice because we actually all got to talk to each other instead of just breaking into cliques, and we had 8 minutes and 46 seconds of silence for George Floyd.
On the other hand, my classmates are Johns Hopkins directors and Emmy…

John Bolton: writes about stuff everybody knows but may have been classified Top Secret

-faints dead away-

Harlan Ellison, when asked “where do you get your ideas?”, would reportedly tell a long, rambling story about an Idea-Of-The-Month club based out of Schenectady, New York, and just run with this for a few minutes, spellbinding the poor idiot who asked the terrible question.
Adams probably gets his ideas from the…

Jim “Herb” Spanfeller looks up from his money pile. “Did I order those sackings? Oh well, whatever. One million one... one million two...”

Melatonin gave me crazy nightmares. I have enough problems sleeping without adding that to it.

I have this problem with pizzas too. Just because it is on a flat piece of bread does not make it a pizza. I am glaring specifically at you, Wolfgang Puck.

Psylocibin.

See, I used to be all for bringing back beards on politicians, being a beardy man myself. Then I saw whatever the hell happened to DJTJ and I’m Eric!’s faces.

As (one of?) The Takeout’s resident Jamaican(s?) I don’t know why Pickapeppa keeps showing up as a hot sauce. It’s delicious, sure, but not really that much spicier than, say, steak sauce. The Pickapeppa co. does make some hotter sauces, but those are much harder to find in the States. I like it on sandwiches.

For me it’s dabs. YES THEY ARE BAD.

It killed Elvis!

The world, overall, I think might get through this OK.

Is that the Boob Tape Dress mentioned in another article?

This is pretty awesome except for the part that it appears to be taking place in a very large bathroom.

What about the commercials? That’s the only bit I’d be interested in.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!