I read things like this and it makes me ponder the whole concept of love. Like it is a complete mystery to me that we spend our lives seeking out these attachments clinging to the hope that they aren’t ripped away from us in a senseless tragedy. I love Chalupa Batman so much and I get into these sad cycles sometimes…

Even if he was an affirmative action admission all it would prove is that affirmative action kicks ass and is worth the investment, because we got Barack Freaking Obama out of it.

In the words of esteemed Hillary Clinton:

I love Leo more as the years go by. I will most likely never bury that crush, and I’m totally okay with it. A coworker even asked me if I wanted to get married one day, and I said, “To whom? If it’s Leonardo Dicaprio, yes, I will marry him for two years, hang out on a yacht in Ibiza, and take a quickie divorce.” My…

There’s also the theory that money does buy happiness, but it’s difficult to be content with it because once you’ve got what you need and you feel lonely or sad one day, you also feel loathing because you feel like you have no reason to feel sad, and it creates this strange cycle of happiness/emptiness.

My main motivators in quitting smoking were that it’s insanely expensive, and also (besides looking bad to potential employers) just really painful to be addicted to nicotine when working full-time.

It’s a weird idea for people who don’t have much, but wealth & affluence correspond pretty weakly with actual happiness. People who are self made millionaires tend to be somewhat happy because they’ve worked hard to get there and they’re doing what they like, but their spoiled kids are just looking for a way to buy…

An ex-boyfriend of mine was Army and he was stationed for a time in Florida, near Destin. I believe that area is referred to as the “Redneck Riviera” and the soundtrack is just as you describe.

I’m hoping the point of charging from the bottom up is to gather testimony and evidence for an air-tight case against Snyder.

Excellent start, but Rick Snyder needs to be buried under the jail with his “fiscal responsibility” over public safety bullshit.

My dad isn’t a parrothead but 2 years ago they put in an above ground pool and when I visit in summer, the only music that plays is Buffet and Bob Marley on repeat. It gets a little old after awhile, but if I'm in the pool floating with a beer or cocktail I don't mind.

And you shouldn’t. I’ve seen Jimmy many times and had a blast at every show.

These concerts are invariably a drunken, tacky good time and I feel no shame in saying that.

YAY! This is my favorite unfunny joke. I tell it any time awkwardness is needed, and I take a really long time with the telling, which builds things up like there’s going to be a serious payoff. I act shit out, everything. (Sam Frank and Frank Sam, lovers, are my characters.)

I was literally just setting down my nachos to make that same point (they are just SUITS, people). Thank you for allowing me to continue nachoing.

It's sad that you had to add the disclaimer, and yet I know people who believe this very sincerely.

That wagon is a write-off, I’m starting to build a new one. 9 days sober...

I met my current dentist on Grindr. Best dentist I’ve ever had and doesn’t mind my dumb “filling cavities” jokes. (Well we met on Grindr, then met in person, then became friends and then he became my dentist.)

Oh daaaaaaaamn I’ve been saying K’shadow. Kind of like, “G’day ma’am.” “Ah yes, K’shadow to you too.”

Her dress in the header image looks like a very long disposable bib that they give you at the dentist.