If it makes you feel any better, I won’t go near canned biscuits as a side. I love them (specifically the layered kind) for covering with sausage gravy, but not for much of anything else. Ironically, it’s the very thing that makes them otherwise mediocre that makes them great for biscuits and gravy; they are…

Install an app to spam your friends. Wonderful. That’s just what the world needed.

They are better without nuts, but nuts don’t ruin them. It’s not comparable to frosting, which does ruin them.

You know what I like? Pillsbury Grands! Flaky Layers biscuits. They are in many ways exactly what they shouldn’t be. But they are also the perfect vehicle for a quick sausage gravy, which let’s face it is like 95% of the reason I ever make biscuits. Toss ‘em in the over, brown some sausage, add flour and milk (or…

I’ll have to try this. I don’t know if it’ll replace any of my usual default drink orders (fuzzy navel, jack and coke, malibu and dr pepper, or whatever mule is available, all depending on who I’m drinking with), but it might get a spot on my favorites list.

Domino’s makes pretty atrocious leftovers. It is neither good cold nor reheated. I prefer it to the other big chains fresh, but I think Pizza Hut et al have a significant advantage for leftovers.

What’s the deal with airport coffee? The Starbucks is exactly the same as the Starbucks you’d find anywhere else, but they charge twice as much!

Tuna noodle, my favorite!

Oh, definitely. I just didn’t want to overshop by such a substantial margin.

I’m curious where AmazonBasics pencils fall in this list. I don’t know if I want to find out badly enough to buy some, but I would guess they’re probably on par with Staples pencils.

I got married a couple of weeks ago. Misestimated the number of guests who would show up, or maybe how much they’d drink, or may how many of them were kids and Mormons, or maybe some combination of all of the above. The important thing is, I now have two unopened cases of pinot noir, three cases of riesling, four…

Call it sacrilege, but I actually prefer this to the real deal.

Newman’s Own spaghetti sauce makes a great base for a much heartier, tastier spaghetti sauce. I wouldn’t pour the stuff straight over noodles on its own, but it saves the trouble of measuring or worrying about seasonings. Usually I’ll brown some Italian sausage, and pour a jar of this over that, maybe add some canned…

Hipster bullshit? Nah, stone ground mustard has been around since before the word “hipster” was a thing, and it was the best mustard 20 years ago, and it’s the best mustard today. Let everything else be normal, but let the mustard be stone ground.

Mayonnaise isn’t just for flavor. It helps protect the bun from getting soggy. If there are pickles or any other remotely wet toppings on there, it’s a must.

Deep in my heart of hearts, I cannot accept that yellow mustard is beating stone ground.

As burgers are a subset of a sandwiches, the same greens rule applies: Fresh mustard greens are a better choice than lettuce. Always. Every time. They are crispier, more flavorful, and not sad and pathetic like the shredded lettuce you may get on a fast food burger.

No matter what steps I take trying to keep my burger from getting to wet, I always end up accidentally making hot wings instead in preparation for National Chicken Wing Day this Sunday. Any suggestions?

Oh my gosh, I bought that garbage once. ONCE.

The “sad handfuls” phenomenon implies that the snack package isn’t consumed in a single sitting. Maybe I would be thinner if I didn’t consistently finish a bag of flamin’ hot cheetos in one go, but I guess there’s no way to test this theory.