Well, not to bum you out, but she had sort of a “ride it out” mentality too which meant going through with a wedding she shouldn’t have (despite her dad and I telling her if she didn’t want to do it we absolutely would support her and help her move and make calls and whatever she needed) and then having two kids. The…

My thought processes as I was reading the first one:

Both of those pieces have been haunting me for awhile. I want to rescue that poor little girl from that awful mother.

“She’s not my type, therefore I am unable to even contemplate or consider what about this obviously conventionally attractive woman could be even remotely redeeming” <— that’s how small and under-developed your brain sounds to the rest of us.

Yep. My best friend went through a period where she was constantly seeking joy and light and really wanted to surround herself with things that lifted her up blah blah. And apparently I wasn’t there for her in the ways she wanted (basically: I was to call her and check in regularly, but it was unfair of me to expect…

1. Ashley Graham is a goddess among mortals.

I love that piece, it’s so pathetic. That woman puts all this fucking effort into “looking hot” and all she gets is a fucking Roomba. That is not worth the effort, lady.

“She also didn’t have real boyfriends or go out on dates”.

This bitch is exactly how I imagine my former best friend talks about me and my depression. She never reached out and then when we got together she would complain that all I ever did was bring the group down. I begged her to invite me to things because my postpartum depression was keeping me isolated and lonely. I get…

Cosmo wrote that Graham is “liv[ing] out every girl’s fantasy” by making out with Joe Jonas,

I love your friend Cole. Cool Cole is cool. I also like DNCE. I like yelling “lose our minds and go fucking crazy” almost as much as I liked yelling “The roof, the roof, the roof is on FIRE. We don’t need no water let the motherfucker burn. Burn, Motherfucker, Burn.”

Cosmo wrote that Graham is “liv[ing] out every girl’s fantasy” by making out with Joe Jonas

HEY THERE HOLD ON A DAMN SECOND. Peter Dinklage can have his. He has earned it. The rest of them go to Sam Bee. John Oliver can have one too because he and Sam Bee are the only two on television doing actual investigative journalism.

Oh Megyn <sigh>.

She just set herself up to get dragged to dust by Samantha Bee tho

If she’s looking for a song to cover, this is a solid choice:

Are there any more romantic words in an Instagram caption than “ride bareback” and “blow loads?”

My reaction to literally every sentence in this post.

I’m sorry is someone in lingerie in that picture? Because all I see is a messy room. If you were wondering where your clothes are...THEY ARE ALL OVER YOUR BED.