This made me laugh aloud.

LoL. You go get 'em, tiger.

I just know his daughter lost her virginity in the church basement.

You ever hear of this thing the kids call the "Internet"?

And yet, there isn't a single bit of evidence for that except for the self-appointed experts voicing their useless opinions.

Movie?

LoL.

Ah, yes, now you're the expert. You aren't, by chance, a medical student?

Exactly.

Check your classist privilege.

Ah, half-remembered articles written by self-declared medical students. As long as we've got a source like that it's got to be true.

But this gal has implants. Right.

We're writing articles about YouTube comments now?

No, just her ass.

Neither does an MFA.

I have a slight sense that people are jealous as fuck.

She didn't write that book.

Oh, please, name one pissier article you've read in three months.

We all know you're pancake curious.

What did she do, punch your kitten?