Your mom at brunch.

No.

Yes.

I have been known to say the following: That guy was so hot. Did you see how big his teeth were? Like a fucking horse, it's so god damn sexy.

I'm just saying-it's 2014. If there were witnesses, then there is some jackhole with a camera phone currently on hold trying to get through to Harvey Levin. If there was no sexxin' then IN THEORY- there is no incriminating video.

Unless video surfaces of her having sex in an open car, I dunno. I'm on team Daniele right now.

Maybe-NOT THAT I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE-that she had a bunch of shit in her car and figured there was some old food or something and decided to clean her car out "later," and thus didn't feel the need to investigate as to whether or not there was a dead body hanging around.

I want to give the you in this story a hug. Oh god that sounds awful.

I would wear the fuck out of this in theory.

I am traumatized.

Much of her humor often rubbed me the wrong way, but I respected the hell out of her. Joan Rivers' brand of humor surely paved the way for a lot of my favorite abrasive, smart, snarky female comedians.

No. My theory is this, based on my own experience: I can't count on my weight to stay the same from one year to the next. It goes up and down and when shit isn't fitting properly I'm not going to buy a nice investment piece. I'm going to buy a bunch of cheap garbage tshirts and maybe jeans if they're on sale.

Thanks, that's good to hear. I'm always afraid I'll get that one vindictive cook somewhere.

I'm worried if I send food back, it' going to come back with a side of saliva. Is this a thing that happens? Do chefs get offended that someone didn't appreciate their work?

Pictures of my girlfriend/posession?! I am shocked! Shocked.......you have pics to sell me?......that's different.

This is the best thing I have seen on the internet today.

I'm confused. The witness saw him sitting on her-smothering her-and....let him stay there? Or was it too late my the time the 911 call was made?

Whenever women are described as moms like this, it's insulting because it says that these women are merely moms.* Like those ads that scream "mom develops miracle cure!" Is my response supposed to be, "wow, one of those idiots? Did she squeeze in work around baking cookies and wiping food off the tv screen?"

Here's ours: Don't say anything disparaging about each other online. Inviting others into our spats and annoyances only makes our marriage seem toxic if those are the only things people hear about. Before you know it, well meaning friends are encouraging you to cut your losses, while you defend what a good spouse you…

Because blasphemy, that's why!