I simultaneously love and can’t handle that there was a teeny stethoscope up there.

Thank you! And yes she’s going to be sooooooo giant and fluffy. When we first started looking at cat breeds I specifically was looking for ones who can help with my occasional mouse-in-the-house problem (ahh country living) but also do well with baby and dog and Maine coons were the top of every list. I also wanted a…

I failed to submit mine because I was too busy karaokeing Toto “Africa” last week (did y’all know the chorus is “I guess it’s rains down in Africa” instead of “I bless the rains down in Africa” (way lame)?) so I’m throwing it out there now:

“You know when I’m down to my socks it’s time for business that’s why they call it business socks. ooooh.”

The other day I smeared nutella on my nipples, and that worked fairly well.

I am also a huge HP nerd. I wore a gryffindor scarf all through high school and thought it made me the coolest. Also I had the Harry Potter soundtrack that I listened to on the regular. Also this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read and I wanted to share it with you:

Glare angrily at his penis then shake your fist at it for good measure. It will swell in size to appear bigger to try and scare off the threat. Proceed as planned.

Oh, okay then. Here goes.

A few suggestions (individual results may vary):

Reading this reminded me (very weird that I forgot about it until now) that I used to have a recurring dream where I was shopping with Madonna. It always ended the exact same way. I would hear my alarm clock going off and she would say “What. The. Fuck. I’m. Dying.” And I would say, “It’s my alarm. I have to wake up…

I don’t have a self-love injury, but I have this weird thing where sometimes I orgasm so hard that it cracks my back. It’s much better than going to a chiropractor.

The lyric “boom boom boom, brighter than the moon moon moon” really speaks to me on an emotional level.

The truly American thing would be to charge for ketchup but give your richer customers loopholes to pay much less for it.

Wouldn’t free ketchup actually be commie? Charging for it is very American and capitalist.

Irregardless its not unpossible that this reply will make you feel better. Like, alot better. Litreally alot better.

To preface this: the following story takes place in Florida.

He looks like an alternate universe Stephen King in that photo. The universe where King is an unsuccessful blogger.

“Kathy”

Here in Canada, our hotel safes double as walk-in closets and also provide universal health care.