Fear the 30 Rock.
commoncats
commoncats
Eeep! Games!....
“And on the seventh day, God watched football at a sports bar, and surveyed all the beer he had consumed, and truly, this was a Sunday Funday.”
I am teaching them the republican ideal of pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps.
You have the capability of finding offensive terms everywhere. And that’s offensive.
My dog is just as picky as these kids, to be honest. His main meal has to be prepared a certain way, with just the right amount of kibble, some crumbled bits of freeze-dried beef or chicken (but NOT turkey or lamb), and a squirt of salmon oil. Layered, not mixed. And for some reason he always takes out exactly three…
My mom is the mom that gets hella joy out of making me feel like a bad daughter.
you’re focusing on the right things jason. thank you for your tireless work.
My thought process was “Okay, not even Chris Brown deserves th... WAIT, HE POSTED HER PICTURE?”
There was nothing there. No marker. No memorial. The hospital had been massive, a campus. Its mission had been…
I took the fucking cat on the beach, with a makeshift leash (made out of twine) tied to his collar. Oh but not before I stopped two cops to ask “IS IT OK IF I TAKE MY CAT ON THE BEACH? I DON’T WANT TO BREAK ANY LAWS. ALSO, DO YOU THINK IT’S VERY LOUD DOWN THERE? I DON’T WANT TO SPOOK HIM.”
The look these dudes gave me,…
I doused myself in gasoline and set myself on fire after you broke up with Jezebel.
Drove to Daytona Beach with a cat in my car and got a tattoo. I just don’t even know how to explain that shit.
William H(ound) Macy.
FACT: Bears eat beets.
Bears.
Beets.
Battlestat Galactica.
Way harsh, Tai. I’m 41 and have never heard that joke.
She sounds like a lovely lady. I am reminded of a story about my mother. I brought a high school friend over, who was recovering from a recent sports injury, and had been prescribed codeine. She was quite a talker on an ordinary day, and of course my mother listened politely to her medication induced rambling. My…
Why, once I was chatting with my own dear mother - okay, complaining bitterly about this and that. I exclaimed "Why didn't you just strangle me at birth?" "Well, I always assumed that eventually somebody else would do it for me," she replied.
Well I was lucky that I was pulled over truthfully-I was arrogant and young, something that, I assume by your tone, you have never been. Also unless Winston Churchill is me, I didn’t steal this story from anyone. Just because the burn was stolen from him -many burns *are* reappropriated. What makes something a burn is…