“When you’re a star, they let you do it...”

I owe a hundred apologies to NASCAR fans for thinking them to be beer-swilling wife-bearer wearing hicks.

First words out of her mouth as she exited the parked car were, “Is the rim ruined?”

I bet the husband was thrilled...

Today, I saw and was able to stop one of the littlest old ladies I’ve ever seen, who was driving this:

“[Tyreek Hill] is so small and black, if you squeeze him really hard he’ll turn into a diamond”

Our shenanigans are cheeky and fun, their shenanigans are cruel and tragic. 

Leto sucked something *hard* to stand out as bad in that movie.

Jokes like that don’t bother me, regardless of whether they’re funny or not. Similarly: “The Chiefs are a lot like smoking, they’re dangerous to children and pregnant women.” Also kind of a lame joke, but not an offensive one.

Also, Tommy John only ever hurt his arm once, and the surgical procedure named after him heals arms.

“It just seems so backwards that we’re fine selling weapons that increase tensions and warmongering”

When explaining NASCAR sounds like explaining a tabletop RPG, something is very, very wrong.

He’s just jealous that the California Assembly successfully passed something.

Yes, for us.

While they are closing the gap and may catch us in the next couple decades, US hardware is still superior to Chinese and Russian stuff. We don’t need to be selling potential future adversaries the good shit. 

TBH we should give Tuvalu a supercarrier because those 10k peeps will need a place to live when their islands are underwater later this century.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone 10 feet over thine head

I like how it lists “Abstinence” before “Athletes,” and I don’t care if that’s an alphabetization thing.

yeah "tricked" 

Judging by his haircut, how much longer until he gets tricked into speaking at a Proud Boy rally or something like that?

I mean, Jem and the Holograms had a working prototype all the way back in the 80s.