No slouching breasts.

Management will determine your proper color analysis.

"DO NOT WEAR UNIFORM WHILE TRAVELING IN A MOTOR VEHICLE."

"Sochi is NSFW? Yeah we know!"

As with most other things in Sochi, those burgers were assembled only three days ago.

I like this more than I should.

The skier's name? Brokinsky.

Translator: [looks up "stoked"]

The American delegation was also surprised to discover several other words, "awake", "at work", "walking", "driving" and "asleep" also meant "drunk" in Russian

Amusing since in English, "Russian" means "drunk."

It is unseemly piling-on to point out Rick Reilly's character flaws once you realize he looks like a condom pulled over a foot.

People are making a big deal out of this because it's literally never happened before.

Doing it before the draft is so damned fantastic. It's a virtual dare to all the GM's in the NFL. Rough guess, as the 9th best DE prospect, that'd put him in the 3rd or 4th round or so. He's staring down the NFL and forcing them to take a stance. Can't applaud this enough.

Elton John: Don't worry, Michael, it gets bett-

Interesting. I wonder what basketball would look like in New York.

someone had left an indeterminate amount of semen on the sheets of the second bed, and those sheets had been taken away for cleaning, and hadn't come back.

...not all man holes are always covered

I have a feeling he's not going to hold on to that belt for long.

Somebody murdered my brother. Now, I'm seeking vengeance the only way I know how: by taking local businesses to task for not salting the stairs out front of their establishments and putting the health and safety of their customers at risk. Have you been hurt in a fall? Fuckin' call me, bra.

Rape Summit.