...Keep talking...

This is why I shake my head every time I hear him described as a germaphobe.

Why would it be troubling to visualize the President of the United States, jowls quivering in anticipation, hunched over a Big Mac? His short, grease-flecked sausage-like fingers scrabble at the lump of congealing oil and dead animal matter. Slowly his tongue slithers out to leave a layer of viscous slime on his…

Go nuts!

Ahh, the very pinnacle of Dr. Who.

My love of dinosaurs sneaks up in the night and murders my critical thinking. And then it walks away like it was nothing.

Please tell me that dinosaur jello wrestling isn’t a thing.

He jumps into a lead-lined refrigerator at the last second before the blast. He’s fine.

All humanity’s shortcomings and failings will be forgiven if, before I die, they clone me a triceratops which I can ride around on.

It looks bad. Why don’t the dinosaurs have feathers?

She handled her whole candidacy terribly, not just the email stuff. Right off the bat, being a woman was an enormous blunder!

Tell me, Wombat: Why do you hate metaphors so much?

“Sexism is all the big and little ways that society draws a box around women and says, ‘You stay in there.”

Dirt tastes better than dog shit, but that still doesn’t mean I’m going to eat it.

Alec, please: just shut up.

...

...Eh, I’ll pass on this one. It doesn’t seem like it’s fair to mock a speech impediment caused by dentures, especially when we have so much more to work with.

The response by millions of millennials: “Wall Street Journal? Do people still read that?”

It’s funny because it’s soon to be true!

You’re being facetious. Clearly the Western values they’re referring to are the Christian values which... which originated in the...