Some jurists have argued that a president pardoning themselves is grossly unconstitutional as it renders the executive branch of government above the law, but there is nothing in explicit in the pardon power that prevents Trump from pardoning Trumpself should Trump choose. Doing so would likely bring forth legal…

Trump will never die! Even if you kill this vessel, the spirit of Trump will live on in re-runs, and obnoxious clothing, and terrible, terrible vodka.

Trump’s continuing support by a majority of Republican voters is not a good sign for people who care about the future of this country.

Trump appreciates this summation, but if you truly want to speak like Trump, you must learn to needlessly repeat phrases and whole sentences. Needlessly. All right? Needlessly repeat, and not just phrases. Not just phrases. Whole sentences! Am I right? Needlessly repeat phrases and whole sentences.

1. Trump will pardon himself and Trump’s cronies if Mueller levies charges, and the GOP will protect him because the vast majority of them have no principles.

Well, are you a birther? Or a racist sherrif? Or one of my relatives? Or me?

Trump heard it was thousands... no, millions of liberals, armed with knives, stabbing the hands of good, hard-working Americans. But the fake media won’t report on it, because they love seeing good, hard-working American hands stabbed. If I liberal tries to stab Trump’s hand, they are in for a surprise, because…

He did nothing wrong! Nothing wrong! Pardon! Pardon!

They... they did? Uh... don’t worry! Trump is on the case! Trump has a secret plan that involves watching a lot of TV and going on Twitter. Trump will stop them!

If it makes you feel any better, Trump hates you far more than you hate Trump, because you are not Trump. All that is not Trump must be destroyed, until only Trump and a small number of Trump loyalists are left for Trump to feed on.

Go back to Canada, Finnish President! And stop being so unfair with NAFTA or Trump will bring in punishing regulations on China’s money markets!

Trump is not shit! And even if he was, there are lots of good people who are shit. There is blame on both sides, for people who are shit and people who are not shit! Blaargh!

Blaagh hah hah hah! Trump is not honest! Trump says so many things that sometimes Trump blurts out the truth by accident.

Arpaio really is a despicable person. And the person saying this is Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Trump!

(Lashes out, trips, soils self)

Blaagh! Mr. Threepwood is a low-energy loser! He comes from Mexico so his opinion can’t be trusted! He... he’s fake news! Fake news! Blaagh!

Trump loves blood clots! He has the best blood clots! The best!

Trump has the best ratings! He reads Two Corinthians and the evangelsicles love him! People hate Obama because Obama made fun of Trump, but Trump showed him! Now Trump is president, and he will wreck everything Obama cares about. Like America!

Trump very well could end up doing exactly that!

But... but Trump’s lawyers are the best! Millions... no, billions of Trump’s lawyers turned up for his inauguration!