In my defense who DOESN’T think about getting off all of the time?

Misread headline as “Self-Loving Monkey”, expected a very different article.

At first I thought this was the trailer for Magic Mike XXXL

False accusations are as common in rape as they are in any other crime. But when someone talks about being mugged, their car being stolen, being assaulted, etc etc etc, there isn’t a discussion about their motivations or immediate skepticism and a push for “the facts”.

I’d be down with an executive order shutting down all improv classes, capping the number of self-describing improv comedians in America at 25 million, and fining people who say/write improv too much. Whoops.

This brilliant description can also apply to Roger Goodell.

sidenote- i LOVE the breadsticks. i’m def white trash but w.

This is out of necessity. The paddle is actually up his ass. He’ll be shitting pancakes.

😬😬😬😬😬😬😬

I’m glad you find the pet names cute. I moved around as a kid, but attended school in New York with a lot of NYC- and LI-based students. When I called one “hun” he took it as me being condescending and was a dick to me the entire year we lived on the same floor. (He actually was an awful person and frankly I took his…

“Man, Dale wouldn’t dare pull this shit if Chip was still alive....”

most shocking part of this is that there is a workplace in North Carolina that only employs one person named Dale

I don’t think any parent should just “let go” of their children... I also don’t think children should know the details of their parents sex lives either. It’s not “making nice” to separate the parenting of your children from your intimate relationships. Cheating isn’t the worse thing you could do to someone by far. I…

Thank you for being the first person on the internet to accurately realize that a lot of millennials are in their early 30s, and are not 19.

I thought my fathers name was “rat bastard” til I was 5 (he left when I was 3)... And he was a deadbeat dad so there ya go

I get what you’re saying with this. 69 is when you’re so excited about what is happening to you and the person that’s making it happen that you can’t help but get their stuff in your mouth right now. 69 is good when it happens because of passion, not planning.

Right before the influenza epidemic.

seriously this is why i love to 69. i’m sorry everyone else here has had a bad time doing the ol’ 69 but whatever. best orgasms ever for me.

“Fuck Snow” is right. A licky boom-boom down indeed.