Also, if your friend dares you to put your dick in the dispenser doors, don’t do it. Don’t ask why. Just trust me.

All boys are men and all women are girls, so sayeth the Cruz.

The idea that we should forcibly conscript young girls into combat, to my mind, makes little or no sense.

I just want to highlight this passage for anyone who skims or just jumps to the comments. Because truer words.

How selfless and incredible of this woman to share such a painful, heartbreaking yet insightful story. So much love going out to her.

Sheiks are always looking for brides in high schools in Ocean Shores WA.

SHEIKHS! AYATOLLAHS! IMAMS! JAFAR FROM ALADDIN! PEDOPHILES FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD! THEY WERE ALL INTERESTED IN THIS UNDERAGE GIRL!

“Here’s Doug Hutchinson talking about being a gross pedophile”

The best year ever was 2007. You could watch youtube and browse websites with out all of the ads. All of the freaking ads. One day I will tell my children that there was a time that you didn’t have to watch a 30 second commercial about a political candidate or detergent before you watched a music video. They will fall…

Or as Bill Belichick calls it... “The year’s most laugh-out-loud funny family comedy!”

“I am Legend.”

I really hope this goes better than my attempt at a serious, CTE-focused documentary, which was just me in the bushes filming Jim McMahon trying to start every car in a Costco parking lot.

Fishtown, Kenzo, and to a lesser extent Port Richmond.

I feel like all of Philly moved to Fishtoen.

Unbroable starring Mark Walberg as an affable ex-juggalo turned guidance counselor and Channing Tatum as an up and coming street rapper named Natty Brat, the twist is that no one has any fucks to give.

+4 fingers from Fishtown

How has someone with a working knowledge of the English language, an IQ over 100, and an acute distaste for cheesesteak, not walked into this town and declared themselves King yet? It’s a city comprised solely of chain-smoking, playdough humanoids who smoke Marlboro reds and pound Natty Ice.
Blows my fucking mind.

Since this happened in Philly, contained a shocking twist, and was kind of meandering and boring, I’m going to assume it’s the latest film from M. Night Shyamalan.

“Bro, let’s SEAL this, with a kiss.”

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!