And after you've rolled your joint, you can spend the other 8 hours left in the day getting high.

fuck... +1

-1

Major League Baseball fans on having some of this generation's stars blackballed from the Hall of Fame while David Ortiz's reputation somehow remains intact: "We call that bullshit"

Doesn't make sense that a guy who spends so much time sitting couldn't write his own SAT.

To make matters worse, the guy just found out that he paid waaaay too much for the printing on his shirt.

Look, I didn't read any of this, or the headline for that matter, but if Michael Jordan wants to adopt dozens of children, fatten them up, and harvest their organs and skin for an exclusive line of belts and accessories, then I'm all for it.

Toxic Popsicle was actually the name of Bill Cosby's funk band until he opted for Rapey Bill & The Rapists

If we're going to be critical, that inflatable castle you had in the yard was a) littered with structural fallacies and b) one of the weirdest places I've ever had a boner.

If he's not available, I can fashion a balloon into various animals like snakes and eels and stuff.

Costello: [head explodes]

Could?

Is this one of those "ask Deadspin staff" posts? If so, when did Daulerio start wearing glasses?

Hey Bill,

Lundqvist's throat has now made more saves this year than Jonathan Bernier.

"Objection, your honour. The defence is making a mockery of this court."

This is weird. Gary Lawless cares about rules and you actually have to pay for the Winnipeg Free Press. It's like words don't matter anymore.

ice like Winnipeg

Cam doesn't need anything for his birthday, and that's actually actual factual actual fact.

Doug Baldwin couldn't give two shits. Seriously, he cannot afford a second fine.