[Dillon Gee motions to the plate]

Ha!

Q: how many Poles would it take to edit this?

In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who beat the shit out of black children, and the attorneys who find clauses within the law that allow criminals to continuously beat black children. These are their stories.

Tell me how you really feel. Seriously, Albert, as your doctor, I would like to know if you've experienced shortness of breath, cramps, rashes, diarrhea, hair loss, vertigo, flaccidity, tightness in the chest, partial paralysis or the scurvy as a result of consuming BuzzBallz?

Surely it's nothing more than a coincidence that on the same day Teddy Bridgewater gets promoted, someone else has gotten demoated.

[Ben Roethlisberger touches screen]

Can't wait to get drunk and accidentally piss all over Office/Lab +160

+1

In accordance with tradition, once the kids start crying, the sumo wrestlers hand them off to the mothers. Sumo wrestlers, they're just like us.

Baked Alaska

"manufacturing behemoth Procter & Gamble has pulled out..."

6. They're not good at football.

Jameis Winston gets suspended for a half, Jerome Simpson gets cut for several quarters. Can anyone make sense of this?

I assumed his balls had become unattached when reports surfaced that the manager got the sack.

oops

Look at the guy's hair. Of course he has a sidepiece.

+1

In the spirit of their G2 line of sport drinks, Gatorade plans to honour Jeter with the release of E7.

If you're keeping score at home, there are two Trojans that could have prevented this.