"Excuse me if I sound a bit arrogant," said the FIFA official as he touched himself while shoving a wad of cash down an orphan Brazilian boy's throat.

Finally fed up with this so-called "smart" phone, I screamed, "Siri, if you cannot follow my commands, the next thing I'm going to get is a Razr."

Women do this pose because it allegedly makes their arm look skinnier. Which makes pointing it out a form of bodyshaming. Sorry Drew

Listen, stop the whining about how this is cheating. All that happened here was the pitcher tried to throw the ball but it stuck to his fingers because of all the pine tar he uses

I'd imagine a Native American would be just about the worst person you could call to help you gain ground.

You said "reconstruct," which sounds like they watched tape and made guesses by comparing the refs to other people and things near them. If that's the case, that's about as useful, in any scientific sense, as not knowing. I'm exactly six feet tall and have been told I'm anywhere from 5'9" to (although this was…

If they don't even know the actual height of the refs then what's the point of a study about their heights?

The confusion began when Townsend, who was moving south for a new job, asked his two friends to do whatever they could to make sure his beloved pet chicken "The Drug Game" thrived.

Thankfully for this man this wasn't a point-and-shoot

just think of all the dumb Twitter jokes that you won't have to read

An odd choice to say the least, picking Marino to champion something.

If Jesus is at the plate for that, pretty sure he Walks.

some sort of educational program aimed at preventing future offenses

I really like the concept and all but I have to agree with these guys, I don't think The Concourse has enough support.

I'd imagine more cheerleaders will join in this lawsuit, the Bucs are notorious for mistreating their staph.

"The hole started out pretty small," said the project manager. "But we made the hole bigger, and we're pretty confident that within the week we can make the hole big enough to swallow and destroy the entire stadium."

I liked the part where they had a reference to that thing that I know.

That's nothing; the Yankees just signed the dog.

puts on a nice sweater, sits in front of a cozy fire

You bastards just won't leave Paterno alone, will you