This thing would kick Rapunzel's ass at hide-and-seek.

They will get off because the legend who passed the buck to them is dead.

No one's photoshopped Jeremy Lin's face onto that stripper yet? Tsk-tsk, internet.

#hampershitting

Everyone send some sympathy Mike Brown's way. For 20 years, he was just spraying diarrhea everywhere

"Goalie goalie goalie goalie goalie!"

Larry Craig is Jeff Garcia

Young handles the question as gracefully as he can

Penis:

He's an always-relevant and up to date reference for every commenter who needs to make a joke about someone crazy. How could you possibly say no?

"Yeah, and don't try to grab a police officer's crack, either."

Huard:Well you know what maybe that's gonna energize the faithful here, maybe Santa felt the same thing we all felt, that an inferior conference can never have a chance at a championship game with the inadequate voting system perpetuated by media types and a bunch of computers as somehow being beneficial to a…

I'm not sure why Nessler was so surprised, it's not like this is the first time Lynch has hit something and just kept right on truckin' anyway.

Might want to backpedal on constantly calling Amendola incompetent, before Sandusky finds a good excuse for a retrial.

As if an uproar over nothing wasn't enough, now we've invoked the tallest lightning rod for manufactured outrage there is.

It's a good thing ESPN is now publishing everything it knows about the case, and can make their arrests accordingly.

5) Anything anyone named "Irsay" says.

Ha.

If the entire NFL were abducted by aliens tomorrow

Things are gonna be really awkward next season when the Denver Broncos are moved into the Leaders division.