According to police reports, the girlfriend was mercilessly and Thoreauly beaten.

Imagine their horror when they find out about other fun drinking games I played in college, like King's Cup, or Asshole, or GHBe My Lover.

This Week In Unintentional Dong Submissions

There's been plenty of war movies or TV shows with a "uh, too soon" bad taste left in consumers' mouths. Saving Private Ryan is looked upon now as a classic, but when it came out there was a lot of hullabaloo about it being far too gory and graphic, to the detriment of its narrative. Black Hawk Down had a lot of…

What's Spanish for "scrappy?"

so it was strange that the play was not reviewed.

Man I can't wait until How I Met Your Mother does some Penn State jokes. It's going to be LEGEN-

"I'm better than everybody," he said without pause when I asked if he's better than Ray Lewis. "Everybody. Period. Point blank. Do you see Ray Lewis on my vision board? Do you see Bart Scott? No. You see ME. That's MY picture I cut out from the Sports Illustrated preview of 2003 Auburn."

Ashton's been very defensive about his fellow "Man With The Magic Touch."

This information is the least surprising part of the scandal. Of course Sandusky liked to work with kids. Why do people rob banks? Because that's where the money is. Why are so many pedophiles working in schools, shelters/charities, and churches? Because that's where the kids are.

It was also always my dream to be a backup to Kevin Faulk, a career backup.

He would give them the patented 'Dusky Tornado.

That's the most painful candy-related incident I've seen since Roger Ebert tried that fateful Jawbreaker

Considering that Gronkowski posed for a picture with a pornstar, you have another young player out late at a nightclub getting arrested, is there a discipline issue on this team?

His family became concerned after they hadn't seen him for a few days.

Even worse, because Fox has baseball rights, they also cram baseball scores into the crawl, which elongates the time between updated scores.

NOTRE DAME AD: Brian, we really need to do something about this.

A 48-point poop joke.

This is the worst fake 100 since Madden hyped Devin Hester's speed in '08.

"Hire this man!"