I'm going to call Major League Baseball and put this on the radar.

basically has to have one of their talent talk about Hitler or put a picture of their dick on a phone

But what we really need to talk more about is Derrick Rose and his continued Dwyanesque performance this postseason.

Guy slides into a Batman costume and tries to shake down tourists in a cash-for-photo scheme

people don't really ever recover from getting hidden-balled by guys named Drew Snider.

Meanwhile, the Walmart Supercenter across town has filed a grievance claiming that Cecil Newton had promised he would buy a cake from them.

It's just Chris Chase, I wouldn't pay attention to him.

Actually if you sanctioned this as an official sport you could solve all of Title IX's problems in the NCAA.

But here's the punishment part: he's going to be rooming with Zach Galifianakis.

We will borrow from the announcer here

I learned this shortly after going to Mad River for the first time:

and, well, D.W.Half.B. in L.A. and all that.

Is that how commenters get approved nowadays? Write something retarded and piss Craggs off? Because if that's true, I want a star.

Listen, I love America, and I love football. But that doesn't mean I have to love them both at the same time. Especially when its some basement-dwelling Italian telling me to do it.

Say what you want about fat people, farmers, and noisy toddlers, but you fucking leave Twizzlers out of this.

+1

That wasn't a robot, that was JC Romero, fresh off his Tommy John Connor surgery.

"I'm glad I went cliff jumping," he says. "I'm glad I almost drowned. I will write about those experiences, and it will be interesting."

Billy, it's your turn to bat!