I dunno...greater good, and all that. I’ll take one for the team if it means keeping Jimmy Haslam safely distracted from trying to, say, run for governor of Tennessee at some point.

“During the commercial, our intern informed us that Mr. Traylor had passed away some years ago. We apologize if our jokes seemed insensitive, although Ed would like to point out that replying to ‘What’s he up to these days?’ with ‘Not much’ was technically accurate.”

I’ll go you one more, having attended a different SEC school that still does a prayer before the national anthem before the college football game. Non-denominational and not exclusively Christian, of course (I mean, by sheer coincidence always given by someone from a Protestant church, but hey, they could be praying…

Duh...the word “younger” is right there in the name. It’s what veins crave.

As Bryan Adams was my first celebrity crush (before I was really old enough to know what a “crush” was, and even before I understood the many and varied implications of having a crush on someone of the same gender), he’d damn well better be a different person.

Ask and ye shall receive.

Don’t be silly. From one of the related articles to the trade story on ESPN’s site:

I don’t think he would be so foolish as to try to top the greats. With that said, it would help him to combat charges of anti-gay bias, as Ray Comfort lovingly gripping his banana is one of the most powerfully homoerotic things I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched enough gay porn to render me immune to any conversion…

I used to joke that everywhere in Illinois other than Springfield is considered a suburb of Chicago (my brother has lived “in Chicago” for 20 years despite never being less than an hour and a half from the city), until I got too many death threats from people who went to school in Normal and Carbondale.

When will people stop trying to push this “family connections” bullshit about NFL coaching? Just because you’re somebody’s relative doesn’t mean you aren’t qualified and earn your job through meri—

GRAY: Should that be surprising? I’m sure you have friends. I was invited to dinner, so I went to dinner.

Got it? The 30-something offensive whiz whose first coaching gig was working under his future father-in-law

I’m about to commit a cardinal sin of jokes, but to clarify:

Plus, a dick in a bathroom stall serves a very real purpose for both parties.

Wait, I’m confused. How is it different, then?

Ryan: So it’s a picture of me, with me in it, too? That’s kind of weird.

Wait, I thought the monkey’s paw was a warning to be careful what you wish for. How does that apply to players being implicitly threatened with the Raiders’ interest?

I like PJ O’Rourke’s explanation for it: we want the world to be stupid enough that even we can understand it.

Coming in second at this year’s Lebowskifest cosplay pageant qualifies you to be an NBA coach now?

“Over the course of his career, Mariano Rivera produced 652 saves, many memorable moments, coffee, and corn--or ‘maize,’ as it is called by many local tribes native to the region.”