Saturday, March 17th. Shudder. 

• FELL OFF TOILET, FELL ONTO A MOUSE TRAP, TRAP CLOSED ON PENIS

SMASHED PENIS IN BETWEEN TWO WHEELBARROWS

“Send him to me.”

I was hoping for more meta, “The most popular Year in Review of 2018 lists ranked 1-10.”

Can we figure out a way to kill Twitter once and for all? Look how many links above lead to a tweet? How many horrible horrible takes are facilitated by the way that Twitter makes it easier than any other social media platform to share and respond to. How terribly it’s used by President Cheetohead?

quickly scanned looking for my name.

Bolton’s entire reason for existing is to start a war with Iran.

Like, he’s the physical manifestation of the Neo-con desire to bomb Iran.

Looks like he’s trying to do a Jim Carrey impression.

Just start stitching the banner now, Indy. 

it should have been ucf that got a chance to get railed like that.

Shit, what happened to his parents?

“We have 10 Star Wars movies now!”

Batman is an orphan?!?!?!?

2018 Me, stepping out of a Delorean: “Look, I know all that about the resurgence of fascism and the hot-house climate was disturbing, but if you don’t act now, an Aquaman movie will be the hit of the holiday season.”

Articles appear to be designed for the under 30 group !!!

Drew’s Mom:

If Ley’s mom doesn’t present Ass Team of the Year at the 2019 Deadspin awards it will prove life is meaningless and has no purpose.

OK, smart guy. How would you cover a guy who’s not even on the field?

Hey man, leave Joey Crawford alone.