I think a more valid statement might be “...a statement battle between two of the let’s say 3rd-5th best teams in the East.”

“SQUIRTED MIXTURE OF BLEACH AND WATER INTO RECTUM WANTING TO PREVENT AIDS”

Very presidential

And soon, every remaining Skins player will start criticizing the coaching as well, praying they’ll be cut from this hell-hole of a team. 

The Raiders location history is basically that of the ultimate west coast Boomer. 60's NorCal flower child —> 80's LA cokehead —> 90's aging hippie moving back home —> 10's retiring to Vegas to play blackjack all day until broke or dead

“That gum you like is going to come back in style.” - Tetsuya Nomura (not really)

It’s more of a glans than a simple bowl cut.

Few things in sports bring me as much joy as these assholes falling apart.

That’s what someone who doesn’t want me to get the jet would say!

If Davis is traded to the Lakers look for the league to void the transaction and New Orleans to then make a move to trade him to the Clippers. 

Of all the articles I expected from Deadspin about Windhorst and eating, this is the nicest.

If Gruden was intent on running a team into the ground so that they’d fire him and he’d keep getting paid on that sweet contract without having to actually do any work, what would he do differently?

“Oh hey, Nate, yeah we’re super excited for you to join us here. Playbook? Yeah, we’ll get right on that but first, to test your mobility, maybe run a few dozen reps of lifting these heavy boxes onto these moving vans.”

You absolutely gut a roster of its top talent. You alienate your fanbase and the city that you called home for 20-odd years. You may actually be homeless next year. At least it can’t get any-*Door blows off hinges*
GRUUUUUUUUUUUUDEN GRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIINDER!!!!

Why is Nathan Peterman here?! Where are my kidneys? Oh my…

Remember that episode of South Park where Cartman gets Kenny to put a picture of his ass as his school picture, and gets it put on a milk carton, and those folks with butts for their faces show up at his door looking for their missing son, and he blows a funny fuse because he’ll never see anything that hilarious ever…

Did he sign his name too uppity on his check? You know the white people hate that.

I’m guessing it has something to do with breaking a mirror while trying to punch his own face.

If I told him once I told him a thousand goddamn times, You gotta watch the follow through on your celebration dance or you will thumb yourself right in the goddamn eye! But did he listen? FUCK and NO! 

And I thought they were comfortable on the outside!