He molested Papa John over a bowl of green peppers

Wait, you’re telling me an all-pro offensive line can make skill positions look a lot better than they are by opening up holes or giving plays more time to develop? I think I’ll need a few more decades to see if this is true.

But not the storebought kind, no sir! After I gather up the hoof clippins’, I render em’ down and make my own paste. It’s free and it keeps my boots waterproof in a pinch as well!

This is an impressive display of douchebaggery. The funny thing is that all those people who hate him for being a black quarterback are now going to be fans because of his misogyny. “He’s just not POLITICALLY CORRECT, YOU FEMALE SNOWFLAKE!”

Honestly, I’m just happy the school isn’t a generic wildcat or panther or something lame. Tornadoes is pretty good. Better than the racist names the high schools in my town had. Though a neighboring city had the Bunnies.

So unfair of her to “hound” him into, you know, getting a job instead of drinking while she’s at work.

Risk should be #1, otherwise this is a solid list. I do understand that it can be prohibitively long, which may be part of why it’s not in the top spot, but it really is a phenomenal game.

That’s quite an honor, I’ll wear it with pride. #FuckTheBeach

This is the single worst take in the history of language.

Fuck the beach. The beach is the fucking worst. You know who goes to the beach? Miserable fucking people go to the beach, to pretend that they’re not miserable fucking people.

Did...did you just try and man-splain a shitty Blake Bortles pass? Jesus, this country IS fucked.

You gotta choose between “Don’t Kiss and Tell.” and “I’ma tell you just how nasty we got!” It is a vicious cycle.

never forget

My favorite is to get Pats fans riled up and angry about Pete Carroll. Because you see coaching here and not being good means you have failed as a human being to them.

These guys are the sports radio equivalent of the dwarves from The Hobbit: all filling some small niche but otherwise completely indistinguishable from each other in the long view. They’re all absolutely terrible.

I’m flying into Boston this Thursday, for the weekend...I think I’m just going to avoid talking about sports to anyone in that city. Good lord

That’s because your dog isn’t a real sports fan like Oaklanders are.

Each copy of the Madden 2012 Hall of Fame edition included an autographed Marshall Faulk card.

I don’t like the red stripes. They are out of place and remind me of the giant STOP signs on the back of high school jerseys.